Despite the ice-cube suddenly lodging in your throat, you congratulate them and guarantee your presence at the wedding, all the while thinking, ‘Is my wall paint excreting hallucinogenic fumes or did he just come back from two weeks in Lebanon/Syria/Iraq, etc. engaged?’

 

The best story you will be told is how ‘friends’ introduced them and how it just clicked, (although lets be honest - it takes longer to ‘click’ with your newborn). The most truthful, however, is that, whether induced by the biological clock countdown, emotional wanting, or the final surrender to family pressure, they reached a point where settling down and meeting their life partner became the goal and our respective Arab countries the source.

 

But why this increasing trend to go abroad to fulfil such dreams? There used to be a time when we all laughingly retold our parents’ own stories of arranged introductions and marriages, scoffing at its formality and aloofness. Raised for the majority (if not whole) of our lives in the UK, why has our generation decided to follow suit?

 

What is it that our fellow compatriots have on the Arab continent that is sending the men over, away from the local and familiar women? Perhaps the perceived hassle of going abroad is in fact anything but. After all, choosing from a selection of hand-picked women to your liking when on a mission to find just that, doesn’t sound like that much of a hassle. Just like ordering in on a lazy Sunday, you can sift through the menu of personalities and looks and come out of your ‘introduction’ with your own takaway bride. The Far East is fast becoming popular for ‘surgery holidays’, so maybe the Middle East can cash in on their own takeaway bride industry: sun, sea, culture and ready made wife!

 

When it comes to matters of the heart, it seems many Arab men are quite lazy, not wanting to compromise on the long list of ‘must have qualities’ of their future wife. Add to that the ‘must have’ list of their parents, namely a thoroughly researched family background - the kind of which you can investigate with a fine-toothed comb in Arab countries - and it becomes quite obvious why many choose to go abroad.

 

Furthermore, our culture’s numerous complexes and phobias do not make for a relationship-conducive environment. In fact, between all the sneaking around, gossip and ‘must have’ lists, renouncing marriage altogether can look like a tempting option.

 

Then there is the simple fact that many Arab women here are seen (and often rightfully so) as far too snobby and unapproachable. They want their rich, handsome, well-bred Arab prince and they want him with all the trappings! And, although we all know those are a fast-dying breed, many women still cling on to that dream. For the not so financially endowed employee, that is a big obstacle and turnoff.

 

Over the continent, however, British Arab men are viewed as a fine catch indeed. Whether they are lawyers or plumbers, they go ‘back home’ with an already elevated status of being ‘from abroad’ and are therefore highly appreciated and respected. And with the prospect of moving to the blindingly glittery lights of the UK to offer, these men are going to have the crème-de-la crème of demure, kohl-eyed beauties on ‘offer’.

 

It is not just the women who are fussy when it comes to choosing a partner. I have heard ‘specifications’ of a wife ranging from the demanding to the absurd. It is hard enough for women here to combine work or studies with a family, let alone being a Michelin star chef (of both Western and Eastern dishes) and a walking encyclopaedia of all the traditional customs and trappings our forefathers were accustomed to.

 

But the explanation for British Arab men’s attraction to the takeaway bride lies in more than just superficial reasons, like having your bamye with or without coriander; it is the mentality that ultimately our female compatriots across the waters make better wives.

Perhaps it is men’s fixation with purity in their female counterparts in Britain at play; a quality considered diminished, if not altogether dispelled. Many have themselves ‘strayed from the righteous path’ and fear that the British Arab woman may have succumbed to similar temptations. Somehow, often naively,

they consider their takeaway bride to have led a more sheltered

adolescence.

 

Our mothers are to blame too! If you consider that most of our parents are immigrants and we all, naturally, consider our mothers the quintessential wife, then it makes sense to want to emulate that ‘perfection’ in your own partner; hence retracing our parents’ footsteps to find your own model wife.

 

There is a fundamental point that many of these men seem to be missing: they are not immigrants born and raised in Arab territories to later move with their spouses to Western shores. They are, majority born and bred, Britons, with roots, culture, history, experiences and education essentially Western, however deeply rooted, admired and loved their Arab heritage is. Therefore, why would you choose a partner who has no understanding or comprehension of what your life consists of, of how your world is shaped - idiosyncrasies and all?

 

When you already battle with your own parents to understand your bi-cultural upbringing, how is a woman plucked from Arab trenches going to comprehend it? Most importantly, how is the fusion and balance of your personalities, essential to any successful marriage, to be developed and sustained? It may be easy for the simple, straightforward, ‘traditional-spousal-roles’ sort of man, or for the lucky few who find the cultured, educated and travelled women (which, without travelling thousands of miles, Britain is full of) in our mother countries.

 

Even then, is it in fact that easy, or that advisable? After all, as far as takeaways go, I am sure many of you have wished you had eaten a home cooked meal while you grappled with the bucket after a dodgy Chinese. Ultimately, you have no idea what history or personality your takeaway bride has, because she is ultimately that: a carefully created and flamboyantly relayed summary.

 

Being raised in socially repressive Arab countries does not mean a socially repressed woman. If anything, it produces the kind of ‘underground’ activities that would make hairs stand on end. Her distance from the London gossip crew may mean that her own colourful history has not been dissected, exaggerated or broadcast like a Google news flash; but that does not mean she doesn’t have one, and her serving you a perfectly made coffee will make you none the wiser. And you will find that ‘hear no evil, see no evil’ will not work when, thousands of miles away from family, friends and control, the skeletons start coming out to play in your swanky UK pad.

 

Perhaps men should consider being less hypocritical and judgemental on their fellow Arab compatriots in this country considering we have all (yes all) been in the same boat. A boat none, except those raised in the activity of the multicultural, progressive UK, will ever be able to comfortably sail in.